Proving God.

“I promise, it’s true.”
“Oh yeah? Can you prove it?”

I feel like this is a pretty familiar exchange in our culture. Either you’ve asked someone to prove their statement true, or it has been asked of you. It’s in our nature to desire the tangible, the things that we can verify or make certain through a quick Google search or a trusted source. And today I realized that lately, just like wanting a friend to prove that they didn’t forget about my birthday, I’ve wanted God to prove Himself to me.

By deciding to go on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, most days I feel like I’ve taken on an impossible task and because of that, I should be rewarded for making such a “missional” decision with my life. That’s not too much to ask, is it? But this morning as I was worshipping in church, I sang the lyrics from the song “The Stand” and in the chorus it says, “And I’ll stand, my arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all.” And in that verse in that moment, God’s still, small voice whispered, “Brittany, I have already proven myself by giving it all.” And then it hit me: I don’t need God to prove His power or His faithfulness—He did that on Calvary and He has done that in my life. He has already given His all by giving His one and only Son. I started to cry. I was suddenly overwhelmed by what God has already done—He has defeated death, hell and the grave—for me. For you.

And no matter how many times people in my life scoff that I’ve only reached 20% of my fundraising goal (when I wanted to be at 35% by now), or tell me that I’m fighting a losing battle becoming a staff worker with a degree from the University of Illinois, God has already proven Himself bigger. God doesn’t need to prove Himself to me or to anyone else just because it would make me feel better—He already has. And I’ve realized that this desire to prove God comes out of an insecure and fearful heart that is bent on self-protection. It’s not just, “If only I had 100% of my fundraising goal now, then I could prove how good God is” but really it’s, “If only I had 100% of my fundraising goal now, then I could prove that I’m not insane for deciding to work for InterVarsity.” Woah, that’s a lot different, isn’t it? Suddenly, my real desire isn’t for God to prove Himself right, but for me to prove myself right.

How easy do I fall into this type of thinking without even realizing it! I let my fear and desire to protect myself to usurp all of God’s power and glory just so that I might feel a bit more comfortable. But there’s nothing comfortable about the gospel—God gave His one and only Son to die for our sins to prove for eternity that He holds all power and authority over our fears and insecurities. I don’t need God to prove Himself, I need for Him to continue extending His grace so that I might continue to learn how to walk in obedience and humility in the most uncomfortable circumstances, much like His Son.