Proving God.

“I promise, it’s true.”
“Oh yeah? Can you prove it?”

I feel like this is a pretty familiar exchange in our culture. Either you’ve asked someone to prove their statement true, or it has been asked of you. It’s in our nature to desire the tangible, the things that we can verify or make certain through a quick Google search or a trusted source. And today I realized that lately, just like wanting a friend to prove that they didn’t forget about my birthday, I’ve wanted God to prove Himself to me.

By deciding to go on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, most days I feel like I’ve taken on an impossible task and because of that, I should be rewarded for making such a “missional” decision with my life. That’s not too much to ask, is it? But this morning as I was worshipping in church, I sang the lyrics from the song “The Stand” and in the chorus it says, “And I’ll stand, my arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all.” And in that verse in that moment, God’s still, small voice whispered, “Brittany, I have already proven myself by giving it all.” And then it hit me: I don’t need God to prove His power or His faithfulness—He did that on Calvary and He has done that in my life. He has already given His all by giving His one and only Son. I started to cry. I was suddenly overwhelmed by what God has already done—He has defeated death, hell and the grave—for me. For you.

And no matter how many times people in my life scoff that I’ve only reached 20% of my fundraising goal (when I wanted to be at 35% by now), or tell me that I’m fighting a losing battle becoming a staff worker with a degree from the University of Illinois, God has already proven Himself bigger. God doesn’t need to prove Himself to me or to anyone else just because it would make me feel better—He already has. And I’ve realized that this desire to prove God comes out of an insecure and fearful heart that is bent on self-protection. It’s not just, “If only I had 100% of my fundraising goal now, then I could prove how good God is” but really it’s, “If only I had 100% of my fundraising goal now, then I could prove that I’m not insane for deciding to work for InterVarsity.” Woah, that’s a lot different, isn’t it? Suddenly, my real desire isn’t for God to prove Himself right, but for me to prove myself right.

How easy do I fall into this type of thinking without even realizing it! I let my fear and desire to protect myself to usurp all of God’s power and glory just so that I might feel a bit more comfortable. But there’s nothing comfortable about the gospel—God gave His one and only Son to die for our sins to prove for eternity that He holds all power and authority over our fears and insecurities. I don’t need God to prove Himself, I need for Him to continue extending His grace so that I might continue to learn how to walk in obedience and humility in the most uncomfortable circumstances, much like His Son.

The Unhygienic Journey: Day 9

I'm sitting here friends running my hands through my clean, wet hair for the first time in 9 days. It feels so good. Dare I say, even a little surreal. I've gotten so used to having my hair pulled up and pinned back that I forgot how I looked with my hair down. Never has a shower felt so refreshing. It's hard to believe that my unhygienic journey has come to an end, but here we are. :) And this is today's update:

My hair feels so light! I'm serious, friends, my hair has never felt so clean than it does now! It really does feel like it has been stripped of all its impurities. And it's blonde again...yay!

My skin feels so smooth. My scalp doesn't itch any more either! :)

I smell like a dozen roses again! :)

My mood is elated! Today was a long and tiring day, but it was nice to be able to wash all of the grime off me at the end of the day instead of going to sleep in it instead.

Thank you to all of who you followed my blog and to the 42 of you who voted that I would be able to see this challenge through to its end. It has been an honor to share my journey with you--I know that I learned a lot, but I hope that maybe you too were able to take away a few things from this experience as well. Here are a few of my concluding thoughts:

We say that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, but do we really believe that? I feel that the last 9 days were a testament to that verse! I remember telling Mike before this challenge began that there was no way I could go that long without taking a shower, but I did!

I didn't do this alone though, friends! God was walking along with me the entire way, reminding me that I am His beautiful, beloved, hand-crafted daughter who was made in His image and is an heir to the very throne of God!

I can go through the day being confident of who God has made me to be even though I'm physically dirty. My identity in Jesus and my appearance are not linked--they are totally and completely separate. My value and worth comes solely from Jesus, not from how many people do a double take when I walk by.

Jesus loves me with a love that I cannot comprehend, and when I shrink His love down to my own definition of what I think love to be, I am settling for an inaccurate picture of what Jesus' death on the cross really means. I need to love like Jesus does by His standards, not my own.

I have the best support system in the world. My friends, family, coworkers, teachers, pastors, classmates and others all were so loving during the past 9 days while I took on this rather absurd challenge. I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for loving before, during and after my unhygienic journey. :)

And lastly, I have taken showers for granted my entire life. I won't ever do that again.

"Give thanks to the LORD for He is good; His love endures forever." -Psalm 106:1

Amen and Amen!

The Unhygienic Journey: Day 8

I never thought I'd be saying this so soon friends, but only 24 hours remain in my unhygienic journey! The past 8 days have gone by so quickly, I can't believe it! I must admit that I am excited to get underneath the water tomorrow, friends. I have grand plans for my evening cleansing: lathering huge amounts of shampoo and soap into my hair and skin along with large amounts of shaving cream to make my legs silky smooth again. Ah, it's going to be glorious. Normally I spend about 10 minutes in the shower, but I might have to spend almost 20 minutes just to soak up all of that good water. :) But here's today's update:

My hair is like 20 shades darker than it normally is (don't let the photo above deceive you) and it is starting to look its worst. I can't stand it anymore! :)

My skin feels like it is more hydrated than it has all week! It's a bit red in places and my scalp continues to itch but the majority of it feels great!

I smell kinda blah. It suddenly got really humid today and that has not helped my attempts in staying sweet-smelling and dry. :)

My mood is overwhelmed. There's been a lot of events today that have drowned my spirits a bit, and being gross on top of it all is a little frustrating to me right now but knowing that tomorrow is the day, I can wait until then. :)

I'm going to save my final reflections for my last day of no showering tomorrow, so stay tuned for the great conclusion to The Unhygienic Journey! Thanks so much for your support, friends! You know, I was thinking back to the article that I posted about the woman in the UK who went 6 weeks without showering and her biggest complaint during her experience was that she lost so many close friends during that time of abstaining from showering. That's the biggest difference between her and I (and, of course, the extra 5 weeks of total gross-ness) but I will end this journey with the same great friends that I had when I began! Praise God!

Tomorrow's scripture comes from 1 John and is sitting in a frame in my room:

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another...Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him...There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear...We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:11-19, excerpts

Love comes from God, friends. We only are able to love because He loved us first. The challenge is to love others with that same kind of love. Let us be image bearers of God's perfect love. Amen!

The Unhygienic Journey: Day 7

Yes, that's right friends! It has been 168 hours or 10,080 minutes or 7 days...however you want to look at it...since I have last showered! Woo hoo! As this unhygienic journey draws to a close, I must admit that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Although I won't go as far as to be "thankful" to Mike for making me do this, I am glad that I did. It has tested my willpower and has pushed my views of cleanliness and hygiene to the limit...maybe even a little too far. :) But here is how I'm doing today:

My hair feels like I gelled it back with vegetable oil. Gross. I did my "hair trick" which is featured in the above picture (notice that there isn't a ponytail holder in my hair) at cluster prayer tonight, and I think it made some of you sick to your stomachs. Sorry friends, but that is what happens when you don't shower for a week. Deal with it. ;)

My skin continues to feel the same. I actually haven't seen as many red blotches as I did a few days ago, so it may actually be even better than it was a few days ago. It actually feels smoother than it usually does. :) My scalp continues to itch though.

I smell like PAR late night. I'm actually making this up because I don't know what I smell like. It's not bad but it also isn't very distinct. But I did stop at PAR late night tonight, so I figured I must smell like it at least a little bit, right? :)

My mood is best characterized as feeling so blessed! I had such a relaxing and beautiful Easter, and I felt wrapped in the arms of my Savior today. He is alive and good!

I've been playing the song "How He Loves Us" by Kim Walker (she has the best version, friends. If you haven't heard her sing it, look it up) and it is such a beautiful song! I love singing the chorus, "Oh, He loves us, Oh how He loves us!" and just meditating on those simple words. The reflections in my last post touched a bit upon how there is this dichotomy between how God sees me and how I see myself. And that same dichotomy applies to our society's view of love and God's view of love. We see so many inaccurate portrayals of love in the media that we consume and even from our own relationships. Sometimes this kind of love leaves us feeling empty, used and worthless. Often it is seen as superficial. But that is not how God created love to be and that is not how He loves us. He loves us with a perfect love that leaves us feeling fulfilled, satisfied and valued. His love is deep and whole. Oh, how He loves us! How often do we rob God's love by using our own definitions of what it means? Let's not make that mistake, friends. That has the power to distort the perfect love of our Savior leaving us buying into a false, cheap version of what we think love is. And we will be missing out on the best love we could ever know. So tomorrow's verse for meditation is taken right from Kim Walker's song and from the Bible:

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." -Song of Solomon 8:6

Death is permanent, friends. That's how strong it is. And that's how God's love is for us. Amen!

The Unhygienic Journey: An Imperfect Me

We meet again, friends! So I’ve been mentioning the past few days that I was going to post about my own journey with body image issues and reconciling my view of myself with God’s view as I’ve gone throughout college. Well, look no further because here it is! These are just a few collections of my thoughts and lessons that I’ve learned over the years. I hope that you enjoy them and are able to maybe see part of your own journey inside of mine.

I think my struggle with loving all of myself started early in junior high. Even in fifth grade, I was the short, blonde girl. But aside from being short, I think I had the most difficulty with finding beauty in my four missing fingernails and large scars on the front and back of my knees. For those of you who have not heard my story, I was born with a rare genetic disorder called Nail Patella Syndrome. It occurs in 1 out of every 50,000 births or so and can effect a range of developing joints and organs from birth to adulthood. I have a rather mild case of the disorder, but as a result of it I am missing four of my fingernails and was born with kneecaps about the size of quarter. Both of my kneecaps had slipped to the sides of my knees, so in kindergarten and first grade I had orthopedic corrective surgery to move them into their proper place—hence the scars.

So I think this really sets the stage for my journey. In junior high and high school I knew that these imperfections were not the norm and I tried to be careful not to bring attention them and in many ways that mentality has stayed with me throughout college. I still tend to wear clothes that hide my knees and when I do wear shorts, I feel like people’s attention is drawn to my knees. That’s probably not true in the majority of cases, but that is how insecure I can feel about my imperfections.

I think what I have learned the most about myself is that I often link these imperfections and singleness together—I don’t see them as separate, I see them as intrinsically linked. I have been single 21.5 years out of the 22 that I have been alive and I would say that the majority of the time I have learned to take great joy in the opportunities and moments that God has given me as a single woman. I have had my fair share of struggles during these 22 years, along with so many blessings! But especially throughout college and even more so now, when I see good friends getting married or enjoying and benefitting greatly from being in relationship with a guy, those thoughts of doubt can come creeping in: “Brittany, you aren’t good enough to have that kind of a relationship—you are too scarred, too short. No one really will ever want you.” The way that I view my imperfect self impacts how I view relationships that I don’t even have. How twisted is that?

And it is this realization that has helped me begin to understand how limiting, how self-restricting, how inaccurate my view of myself is. And as it has become even more real to me during these past few days of not showering, I am made in the image of God—missing fingernails, scars and all. True, I don’t know why God decided to add these things to His custom-made design of me, but He did. But God did not make these things to be obstacles that withhold me from valuing myself or valuing relationships that I can and do have with other people. Please don’t limit yourselves either, friends. God has created us to have relationship with Him and with other people to the full. Don’t believe anything else, because anything else is a lie. What we take away from ourselves, God wants so desperately to restore. Please let Him.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them.” -2 Corinthians 5: 17-19

The Unhygienic Journey: Day 5

As day 5 draws to a close and I enter into day 6, I've been getting a lot of questions lately regarding what my normal routine has been while not showering. So, I thought I'd enlighten you, friends. :) I'm really trying to not do anything out of the ordinary (with the exception to that being, of course, not showering). So in the mornings after I've gotten about a half hour of extra sleep, one of the many perks of not showering every morning, I get up and get dressed like normal. And I apply deodorant under my arms and moisturizing lotion on my arms and legs--both of which I do on a fairly regular basis. I have only been washing my hands and face in the morning and the evenings and if my feet are really gross, I've been wiping them down a bit with a towel moistened with water. Other than that, I slick my hair back in the morning into its ponytail and I'm ready to go. :) I haven't used perfume and today I didn't apply any makeup. I was feeling rather "all-natural" this morning. Must be the weather. :) Here are today's updates:

My hair feels like I stuck my head under a car leaking oil. It still continues to drive me nuts, but I'm getting used to it, so I'm not noticing it as much as I did a few days ago. It helps that my bangs are pinned back and my hair is up because that keeps it away from my face so it doesn't annoy me as much as it really could be.

My skin feels itchy still and occasionally will break out into a few red patches on my arms--it's rather weird, but they go away eventually.

I smell like I normally would at this time of the day. It's really weird, friends. You would think that by now I would smell awful with not having showered, but as my roommate Bianca said, "You actually don't smell at all, I'm rather surprised."

My mood is relaxed. I think I'm settling into this no-shower thing pretty well. I have my routine down and this weekend is going to be really relaxing, so all in all I'm feeling pretty good friends. :)

I'm going to spend tomorrow blogging a bit about my journey with body image issues and my thoughts toward my appearance throughout college, so stay tuned for that! But now, it is time for bed. :)

The Unhygienic Journey: Day 4

Woah-oh, I'm halfway there! Woah-oh living on a prayer! Well friends, Bon-Jovi said it the best first, but I'm halfway through my challenge of abstaining from showering for 9 days! For those of you who have given me hugs and so much encouragement over the past few days, thank you so much for your friendly support! It means the world to me to know that I will still have good friends after this unhygienic journey is over. :) Here is today's update:

My hair feels like someone poured oil all over it. It continues to become darker and oilier than the previous day. I can honestly say that it is starting to drive me nuts and I am trying to resist the urge of shoving my head underneath every drinking fountain or body of water that I see while going about my day. :)

My skin remains the same. Still itchy and a bit blotchy in some places, but I wouldn't say that it has gotten any worse than yesterday.

I smell like my deodorant because I just had to reapply some again after a warm day under the sun. I've kept my sweating down to a bare minimum which is helping a lot during the day; however, that still doesn't mean that I don't have an urge to throw myself into the sweet-smelling cherry blossom trees lining many of the walkways around campus. For reals, friends.

My mood is excited! I am so excited that I've made it this far and right now I am writing this while two adorable high-school girls join Bianca and I in our room for a showing of High School Musical 3. :) Life doesn't get any better than this, friends...showering or not. :D

I think I was most impacted today about Phyllis LePeau's message at tonight's InterVarsity Large Group. She spoke out of John 13, where Jesus serves his disciples by washing their feet. It was kind of ironic that we spent the entire Large Group talking about how Jesus wants to wash us, including our own dirty feet when I am already dirty! I love Peter's response to Jesus after He says that if He doesn't wash Peter's feet, then Peter will have no part in Him. Peter replies, "Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!" I identify with Peter so much right now! This idea of washing was really poignant to me because I really would like to have my feet, hands and head washed right now; however, it made me think about how we need our spiritual selves clean too. We need Jesus to wash our spiritual selves first before we can even become really clean!

What filled me with so much joy last night though is knowing that although my physical body is dirty, my spiritual body has been washed by Jesus and His death on the cross. So the most important part of me has already been washed as white as snow and everything else...well, it's just not as important. When God looks at me, He sees the work of his washing--He sees my clean and pure white spiritual self and not my physically dirty self. And although everyone else sees my dirty self, the King of Kings and my Creator sees me for who I am in Him. A daughter who has her feet, hands and head white as snow and smelling like a dozen roses. Amen!

Tomorrow's scripture comes from the Psalms:

"But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name's sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. " -Psalm 109: 21, 22

Thanks for all of your encouraging support friends, you are a blessing to me!